Yeah, this guy, the one who wants to ice the planet
So some of you may recall that in december I was gone for the better part of two weeks because I had to go to a training thing for work. It was a winter survival course and it was held in a remote area in northern maine.
Holy
Fuck
Was
It
Cold
It was so fucking cold that at times it couldn’t freaking snow, that how cold it was. When I left maine I went to north carolina and on average it is 60 – 70 degrees warmer here. The average here is 40s-50s (all degrees are in Fahrenheit) Isn’t that fucking psychotic? It was as one member of my group notably put it “retarded cold”. Once you’ve been out with minimal shelter and clothing in an environment like that you learn to appreciate a few very simple things. The most important of which is fire. I now I understand why ancient people had a fire god, but what I don’t understand is why the fire god wasn’t the big kahuna of the gods, instead they had that sky/storm wuss.
Fire is just plain awesome. This training may have taught me how to survive in the suckiest cold conditions on earth, but it also had the unintenional (at least I think it was unintentional) side effect of making me an utter pyro-maniac. It also made in insanely paranoid about an ice age sweeping the earth. Seriously how can you global warming yahoos even think this planet is getting warmer when we have -20 in the continental US? and apparently it can get even. fucking. colder.Of course right before I left for the training my wife suggested that next year for our anniversery we go to to maine and find a little B&B and spend the holidays there. I told her straight out that it wasn’t going to happen. When she asked me why I had only this to say, “I’ll tell you when your helping me defrost in two weeks”. Turns out I was even righter then I thought I was. End result? two plane tickets to bora bora.
Quote of the Post
WEATHER, n.
The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.
Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see,
And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be –
Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth,
With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.
While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incadescent youth,
From the coals that he’d preferred to the advantages of truth.
He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote
On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote –
For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:
“Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow.”
-Halcyon Jones
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictonary
