Another Round For the Lads: St Patricks Day 09

Oh yes, it’s the best time of year again, the best holiday of them all, the most unique holiday of them all and have I mentioned that it’s the best holiday of them all? St. Patrick’s day is fantastic because it combines the traits of over the key holidays with the most powerful force on earth, being fucking Irish. What traits are these? and what is that mystical power that is being Irish? Well I’m going to explain in this article as well as outline some helpful hints on how to celebrate right.

Trait 1: Awesome food

Good food is a hallmark of pretty much every major holiday, Thanksgiving Turkey, Christmas Goose, Turkey or Ham (perhaps Roast Beast if you live with Dr. Suess…) Chocolates and fancy dinner’s out for valentine’s day and of course cadbury eggs on easter (if you think they aren’t a meal… you need to live more my friend). St Paddie’s day provides amazing food in general because it can include so much food. Lots of food is irish food, from corned beef and cabbage to bar food, steaks and my beloved reuben sandwhich. Now of course there’s always the staple of all irish foods, Guiness, king of all things edible and cure to all known issues/diseases that may or may not exist. (Yes I like Guiness stout, you may dislike my taste in beer, but remember, my beer can kick your beer’s ass)

Trait 2: Gifts

St Paddie’s day is also a traditional gift giving day now those gifts primarily consist of drinks, shots and rounds for the whole bar (after you get enough of the first two) and then of course there’s the sacred St Paddie’s day gift granted to all imbibers… err celebrants, the tradtional st patrick’s day hangover.

Trait 3: Booze

If you honestly need help understanding this one then you need a serious dose of irish upside your head. St Patrick’s day is the most widely celebrated “get smashed” holiday ever, German’s Octoberfest with longer amounts of time and more food to consume to keep the mean evil booze from getting them too drunk doesn’t even hold a candle. Spring Break? Amateurs. Mardi Gras? Primarily an excuse to act like an idiot (much like spring break) regardless of alcoholic involvement and I suspect most people who act like morons during both Mardi Gras and Spring Break are pretty thick regardless of how many shots and beers they’ve had, I think youtube pretty conclusively proves my point in this case. St Patrick’s day has way more stones then all of these other “drinking” holidays because of the simple fact that St Patrick’s day is just that, one single day. The others are week long or multiweek events. St Pat’s forces you to do a couple week’s worth of drinking in one single night.

Being Irish:

To be an irishman or woman is to be in a state of insanity so sublime and absurd that the meager masses cannot help but be in awe, fear and shock at their doings.

Typical Irishman:

Now some of you may want to protest that being Irish isn’t all that great, that we are no where near as awesome as we make ourselves out to be. I’d like to point out that no other cultures have their own genre of rock music. I’d also like to point out that, bagpipes, whiskey, the perfection of beer are all irish inventions. We invented a whole bunch of other things to, but that was before the whiskey came in to play.

Historical Footage:

The ultimate proof, the final proof that being irish is something wonderful is that the non-irish populace of the world wants to be us and emulates us where they can, what proof is there of that? Well to start you all adopted and party because of our big holiday, for the soul reason that St Patrick’s day is “the one day a year where everyone gets to be Irish”. (At least according to some T-shirts I saw…) So in the end, welcome to the family, grab a seat at the bar, add an”O’something” to your name and grab a drink. Just remember, Ordering an Irish Car Bomb in an actual Irish Pub is about as funny as ordering a “Holocaust” in a Jewish bar.

Tips for Celebrating:

Drink

Eat

Have fun

do not fake an Irish accent, we know it’s not yours

Some Music to Get You in the Spirit:

fuck this is alot of videos…

Quote of the Post:

God invented alcohol so the Irish wouldn’t conquer the planet.

-?

Twas a woman that drove me to drink and I’ve never quite had the chance to thank her

A man should believe in something, and I believe I’ll have another drink

I’ll have what the gentlemen on the floor is having

-From the Menu and walls of McGuire’s Irish Pub of Pensacola, Florida

Note: Off for the week due to hangover recovery, see you monday if I find the hair fo the dog in time…