We Interrupt your regularly scheduled blog…

There was supposed to be an article about insanity here, right here where this text is but events have caused me to change this update. Very… painful events. I was until yesterday evening engaged. My fiancee had some… issues and she was in a program to get help, she got out of the full program last night. She called me and I was excited but I knew it was coming, I had known because she had been getting distant our last couple phone calls. She broke up with me because of her issues, because she didn’t want to subject me to well… a lack of her because she had to concentrate on herself and that was wrong to do to me. By all normal standards this is correct. It ignores the fact that I don’t care in the slightest if she has to concentrate on herself because I understand and have understood from the first, which is why I gracefully accepted what she said, told her I loved her and said goodbye. I managed to keep myself together that long. I then proceeded to cry like a girl for the better part of 30 minutes. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time. Like this is similar to when I almost killed myself that’s how bad it is. Yeah I know this shit ain’t funny, it’s depressing as fuck and there’s no wrath here. Fuck it this blog is so I could vent. Sometimes that doesn’t mean quality entertainment and it means just plain venting. This is a fucking emo entry and for that I absolutely hate it and I hate myself for not just writing it, or posting it but feeling it too. However I just can’t hate her for causing it, no matter what I just can’t do that. I don’t know where I’m going with all of this because I could go on for hours about all this shit, just keep on typing and bitching and getting nostalgic for her at somepoint I’m sure but in the end all that’s important is what you learned from an experience right? If you didn’t learn something any experience is a waste. So what did I learn? I learned that love is the most potent force in the universe and can literally change the world around you, I learned that it provides the greatest high in the known universe when shared honestly between two people. I also learned that it is the most painful thing I have ever felt and like all drugs you have to consider… is the hangover worth the high? Love is addicting, enticing and completely over-writes every ounce of sense (common or otherwise) that you have. In short love is great but it sucks just as hard and often at the same goddamn time. Despite knowing all this now if you asked me “knowing how it ends would you do it again?” I’d say “goddamn right I would” no regrets kids trust me you might have some sleepless nights and some painful moments but overall I will never ever have to look back and say “I wish I had…”
There will be less angst next update and more incoherent rage, I promise folks thanks for bearing with me.

Quote(s) of the Post:
“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
- Matt Groening

“Falling in love is like selling out and not getting paid.”
-Diesel Sweeties